Un-Learning Old, Bad Habits

In the 24 hours since I put it up,
I've edited my last post twice.

The story in that post is true~~an Arizona based newspaper editor really did bombard me & another writer with three hours worth of abusive emails a few nights ago.
He lost his job after copying his nonsense to his boss.

As it now reads, my post about this incident mentions his first name only, no last name, & does not name the publication he worked for. That information was included in my original text, but I deleted it.

I'm learning not to be the "bitchy queen" I used to be.
I'm trying to be the change I want to be.

The guy paid for his actions~~he lost his job. There's no point in taunting him about it. There's no point in adding salt to his wound by putting up a post that will, for all time, come up in Google searches of his name.

Last month, Truth Wins Out published my op-ed My Post Pride Dream, in which I called for an end to the whole "bitchy queen/angry dyke" mentality that's held us back for so long.
When I wrote it, I was talking about myself as much as anybody else.

It's a long road, this learning to break old habits.
But I'm getting there.

David Alex Nahmod
SF CA
July 2009

I Have Very Mixed Feelings About This

In my post Reactions, earlier this month, I shared a pointless, abusive email sent to me by someone I barely know, a "bitchy queen" who enjoys hurting people for a cheap laugh.
I said that while the LGBT community as a whole had supported this kind of behavior for decades, more & more of us were speaking out against it.
The era of the bitchy queen/angry dyke might be coming to an end.

The other night, I got more proof that this was the case.

A writer for the gay news blog Truth Wins Out has been assigned to do a story on my mentally ill ex Beecher~~specifically to report on the court transcripts I have that prove his housemates have committed fraud & perjury as part of their campaign to control & isolate him.

In the course of his interviewing me, I told Alfonso, the writer, about Patrick, the openly gay editor of an Arizona magazine.
When I had presented the court transcripts
to Patrick last year, he was rude and abusive.

"A judge in your area allows anti-gay remarks to be made in his courtroom." I'd told Patrick. "Don't you care? Aren't you concerned that this judge could have a negative impact on the lives of people in your readership area?"

Patrick assured me that he didn't care at all, speaking to me in a snotty "cocktail party" tone.

Three nights ago, Alfonso emailed Patrick and asked him to justify his attitude, specifying that this question was being posed for a story.

For the next three hours, Alfonso & I were bombarded with one abusive email after another, around a dozen in all, all from Patrick.
He said silly things like:
"The police are on the way."
But Patrick also taunted me about the fact that my ex & I are no longer together.
It was "classic" bitchy queen bullshit.

Midway through his tirade, Patrick foolishly began copying his hysterics to his publisher's email account.

The following morning, the publisher politely informed Alfonso & I that Patrick no longer worked for the magazine.

WOW!
And that's what I have mixed feelings about~~I certainly didn't want someone to lose their job~~I honestly feel bad about that.

But I didn't start copying the publisher, Patrick did. It would never have occured to me to contact the publisher had Patrick not pulled him into this.
The fool got himself fired.

For decades, the behavior demonstrated by Patrick was the social norm among LGBTs~~God knows I behaved that way myself more than a few times.
I got away with it many times, I'm sure Patrick has too.
He probably thought his boss would support him.
He was wrong.

The termination of Patrick's employment may be the strongest sign I've seen (so far) that the tide is turning.
That the era of the bitchy queen/angry dyke is, at long last, really ending.
LGBTs want something better.

I look forward to the day when we're a real community. United in our support for each other.
I've certainly learned from my past mistakes.
I hope Patrick has learned from his own errors in judgement.
I honestly wish him well and hope he finds another job quickly.

David Alex Nahmod
SF CA
July 2009

WOW! I Kissed Patty Duke's Hand!

A few weeks ago, I announced my interview with actress Patty Duke, a personal hero of mine.
In 1962, at age 15, Duke won an Oscar for her stunning portrayal of Helen Keller in The Miracle Worker.
She has since won three Emmys and written two books that, in part, chronicle her battles with bipolar disorder, a disease she and I share.

Here's my interview with Duke, from Bay Area Reporter in San Francisco:
http://www.ebar.com/common/inc/article_print.php?sec=film&article=649

On Monday, July 20th, I attended Duke's sold out appearence at the Castro Theatre here in San Francisco: her films The Miracle Worker & Valley of the Dolls were screened. She posed for pictures with fans and was interviewed onstage by Bruce Vilanch.

She posed for pics but only one person got an autograph~~me!
She hugged me and signed the print edition of my story. I kissed her hand~~chivalry isn't dead!

The feelings I felt at meeting someone I've admired for so long are indescribable. Suffice to say that it's a night I'll never forget!

Patty Duke stands as one of the greatest examples of how a mental illness can be overcome~~that there's life after diagnosis.
Her life continues to inspire many.

As for that autographed article~~it's now at the picture framer!
(-:
Yeah!

David Alex Nahmod
SF CA
July 2009

It's High Time Someone Told The Bastards Off!

The following item was reported by Gay USA, The San Francisco Bay Times & the NG Blog:

Ted Olsen and David Boies, the two attorneys who have represented Presidents and argued cases before the federal Supreme Court, have told the National Center for Lesbian Rights, The ACLU & Lambda Legal to FUCK OFF!

Yeah!

Olsen & Boies have filed a Federal Lawsuit
to overturn Prop 8 and to legalize marriage equality in all 50 states. They cite various precidents (Loving VS Virginia, which legalized interracial marriage in 1967) and a number of federal statutes which bar discrimination for any reason.

Olsen and Boies know their stuff~~if anyone can win this fight, it's them.
Yet the three above named groups have tried to interfere in those efforts.

Those groups, along with the Human Rights Campaign and The National Gay Task Force, haven't accomplished a goddam thing in years~~all they ever do is fund raise for their overpriced cocktail parties. They actively seek to silence other voices.
When LGBTs turn to them for help, the response is often rude and abusive.

These "advocacy" groups have been holding us back for decades~~their self serving arrogance is intolerable and typical of what gay activism has been like for over 20 years.

More and more people are speaking up as Olsen & Boise did. More and more people are taking back the movement and doing it themselves.

Right on!

David Alex Nahmod
SF CA
July 2009

Fraud, Perjury & the Exploitation of a Mentally Disabled Gay Man

Let's for a moment, get back to the story that jump started this blog last year:
http://www.truthwinsout.org/blog/when-media-ignore-the-evidence/

Truth Wins Out, the widely read gay news site & gay rights watchdog group, has assigned Alfonso Chinea to do a follow-up to the above story, which will give more details as to how Surprise AZ residents Kathryn Rock & Stephen Polich exploited the disabilities of my former partner Beecher to get what they wanted~~Beecher living in their house as one of their children, completely isolating him from me and the gay community.

Last night, Chinea listened to two audio transcripts of Surprise court hearings. On the first recording, a confused Beecher reveals to the judge that he had no idea the Order of Protection he signed stated that I was a physical danger to him, his housemates, his children in Connecticut, and his ex-wife, who divorced him in 1985.
(I must be a real threat to the sons and ex-wife~~who live 3200 miles away from here!)

On the second recording, Stephen Polich makes anti-gay remarks~~which the judge supported~~and claims that he and his wife Kathryn returned mail addressed to Beecher at Beecher's request. The Judge said he wasn't interested in a handwritten letter from Beecher that says "Yes, I do need to get my mail"

Alfonso Chinea is not in any way involved in this situation: he has never met or spoken to Beecher. Based on the court recordings, here are the words he used to describe what Kathryn Rock & Stephen Polich have done:
fraud
perjury
exploitation
mail tampering
felony
collusion (this word, according to Chinea, describes Beecher' siblings and son, who are fully aware of what Rock & Polich are doing, and don't care because they don't want Beecher to be gay)

Interestingly, Chinea doesn't think that Kathryn Rock is the least bit homophobic.
He views her as a garden variety sociopath
who likes to control people. But the support that Rock gets for her actions from her husband, the Judge, and Beecher's relatives is pure homophobia, and the evidence bears this out.

Chinea also has harsh words for the many gay activists and journalists who reacted to this story by saying "not interested, don't care, get over it." Several of them will also be part of his story~~people like them are the reason things like this continue to happen, and the reason the community couldn't come together
to fight Prop 8. It's time to stop them from holding the rest of us back.

Truth Wins Out has a wide based readership. The past pieces they've done on this story have been linked to other sites.
Chinea plans to send his story to mainstream news outlets~~it will be he and not I who does this.

One way or another, Kathryn Rock & Stephen Polich will be held accountable for what they've done, and these kinds of abuses will be stopped once and for all.

One way or another, gay activists and journalists who enable people like Rock & Polich will also be held accountable.

Erase hate!

David Alex Nahmod
SF CA
July 2009

Living With Michael Jackson: Shame on Martin Bashir

One of the first commercials I ever saw in a movie theatre was for Michael Jackson's 1995 album HIStory.
I remember being repulsed as a large gathering of "communists" cheered a 50 foot statue of Jackson that was unveiled in an Eastern European locale.
Another delusional celebrity had come to believe his own press!
Was Jackson out of his mind?

Maybe he was.
The other day, MSNBC reran the 2003 documentary Living With Michael Jackson, in which the recently departed pop star sat down for a series of interviews with British journalist Martin Bashir.
What I saw in the more recent Jackson was a mentally ill gay man, a sweet, fragile man-child with no self awareness as to how he was presenting himself to the world.
I saw someone who looked like a cartoon of himself, both physically and mentally.

Bashir went into the project with one singular purpose: to break Michael Jackson.
To prove to the world that Jackson was an unfit parent and a child molester.
Martin Bashir didn't seem to care how he achieved this, repeatedly baiting Jackson, pushing him over the edge several times.

Michael Jackson was an extraordinary talent.
He achieved his dreams on such an absurdly grand scale it may have been too much for him to live with.

In retrospect, Michael Jackson may have suffered from one of the worst cases of emotionally stunted growth the world has ever seen. He wasn't a child molester, he was a child. I don't think there was a chance in hell that he ever touched those kids~~he admitted to the now infamous sleepovers with a childlike innocence that was embarrassing~~he obviously had no
awareness of how strange it was for a man in his forties to get into his "jammies" with ten year old boys.

During the Living documentary, Jackson twice behaved in a manner that suggests a manic episode~~when his body shook while he was bottle feeding his baby, and his over the top reaction to screaming fans outside his hotel room window.
As the interviews continued, Bashir kept pushing & baiting Jackson again and again.
The show ended with The Gloved One in tears.

Living With Michael Jackson led directly to Jackson's molestation trial~~he was aquitted, but was never the same.
He became a broken man.

Why, at the time of his death, was Jackson taking so much Demarol and Diprivan?
Why was he taking Diprivan at all?
This was not a happy person.
This was not a person who wanted to go on.

What Martin Bashir did is shameful~~one of the worst cases of yellow journalism I've ever seen.
If Jackson's doctors are going to be investigated regarding his death, as the
LAPD suggests, then perhaps Martin Bashir should be named as an accomplice.

I loved Thriller back in the day, but I'd not listened to Michael Jackson's music in years.
I'm now listening again. I'm especially interested in two songs he wrote: Stranger is Moscow and Will You Be There, songs that express the lonliness and isolation he no doubt lived with~~the latter song being his prayer for healing.

Michael Jackson and I lived very different lives. His was one of extreme wealth and celebrity. My life, as a freelance journalist for B list publications and as a pet care provider, is far, far removed from his.

But I now look at his life through new eyes.
I almost see a kindred spirit.

There's no question that Jackson was innocent of those molestation charges.
There's no question that he was a mentally ill gay man who became a tragic shadow of himself.

Michael Jackson needed help that he never got. He paid the ultimate price for it.

RIP, Michael.
I hope you're at peace now.

David Alex Nahmod
SF CA
July 2009

Reactions

About 2 years ago, I reviewed John O'Dowd's superb biography of tragic 1950s movie star Barbara Payton in the Bay Area Reporter.
This morning O'Dowd emailed me to tell me that my op-ed piece for Truth Wins Out (see my last post) was brilliant and courageous.
Rabbi Sydney Mintz of San Francisco's Temple Emanuel, an out lesbian, says she agrees with my message. The Rabbi & I will meet in her office to discuss it in early August.

At Truth Wins Out, a number of people posted comments that my message was right and important~~that it's time to stop letting bitchy queens/angry dykes ruin the community for the rest of us.
It's time for us to come together and be a real community.

The widely read site Ex Gay Watch linked my article.

No, I don't always think I'm right, but I knew I was right about this, and I'm proud of the stand I'm taking.

The most fascinating reaction I got came from a person named David Roache.
Roache is someone I was aquainted with for all of two months earlier this year.
I don't think he & I ever enjoyed each other's company, though I certainly had nothing against him.
I barely know him.

We stopped talking about two months ago~~he was preparing to move to New York to study music, as far as I know he has since done so.

I forgot about him, but he didn't forget me. He began sending nasty taunts to this blog, taunts that were directed at me and at others who posted comments here. I rejected them.
I'm happy to post comments from those who disagree with me, but I refuse to post name calling, as Roache was doing.

A few days ago, I got a particularly nasty piece of abuse from David Roache. I rejected it, then emailed him and asked him to stop.
Below, you can see his response. The email from me appears beneath that:

From: David RoacheSent: Monday, July 6, 2009 7:35 PMTo: david1956@

Subject: RE: your comment has been rejected

Looks like I was right, you will always censor out things that don't agree with your "wisdom." Lol...not that I am surprised. Grow up and learn to respect other points of view. I am sure you are talking shit and whining to people right now about what I wrote. Oooohhhh, I care so much if you talk about me the way you say things about that Alice and Chris who claimed abused you and made you cry. Wasting time reading your blog? You're the one who bugged me all the time about reading it, and now you call reading it a waste of my time? Get real, dumbass. No wonder you have so many problems in your relationships and why so many people "abuse" you, as you claim. LOL.

From: david1956@
To: northridgeartist@
Subject: your comment has been rejected
Date: Mon, 6 Jul 2009 10:03:29 +0000

I have rejected your comment, and I've deleted your attacks against my good friend Michael Airhart.
No further comments from you will be posted.
I had actually forgotten about you.
Since you want nothing to do with me, I can't imagine why you're wasting your time reading my blog.
Aren't you on the East Coast now?
Why are you still thinking of me?
You need to move on.
David N

Keep in mind that the above was sent to me by someone I barely know~~I feel justified in posting it because he demanded that I stop "censoring" him and post his comments.

In the past 3-4 years, several people have claimed that I'm harrassing and stalking them.
Every single one of them behaved as David Roache did, but each refuses to be honest about their own actions.

I'd never said an unkind word to or about David Roache. He no longer lives in the Bay Area, and he wasn't hearing from me.
He sought me out. He came after me specifically to say things he thought would hurt me. He wanted to hurt me as deeply as he could because he thinks that hurting people is fun.
All he did was prove my point.

The tone and language of his taunt is all too familiar to me. It's behavior I've seen continuously in the LGBT community.
Gay men think this kind of nastiness is "campy". Lesbians find it "empowering."
While not all of us act this way, it's safe to say that this behavior has been out of control in the LGBT community for decades.

Roache's abuse is also indicitave of how I myself behaved for nearly twenty years. It was all I knew, it's how I was taught to behave by my gay elders in the 1970s. It's behavior I'm now deeply, profoundly ashamed of.
I continue to wage a battle against my old patterns. Most of the time I do OK, but sometimes I slip up.
Michael Airhart of Truth Wins Out has become instrumental in helping me to recognize and stop the slip-ups when they happen.

But many, many others in our community, enjoy the nastiness and want it to continue~~David Roache is a perfect example of this.
The last time I spoke to him, he was plotting "revenge" against a music teacher he didn't like.

This kind of behavior is the reason we were
unable to come together and defeat Prop 8.
It's causing other communities to turn against us.
It's bleeding our souls dry.
Is that really what want?

It may be what Mr. Roache wants, but judging from the reactions others are giving me, a LOT of people are tired of the status quo.
People are hungry for a real, nurturing and supportive community.
David Roache and others like him may find
themselves on the wrong side of history.

Nothing has validated my message more than this story that appeared in last week's San Francisco Bay Times:
http://www.sfbaytimes.com/?sec=article&article_id=10995

In his article: You're So Vain You Probably Think This Forum's About You, Tom Orr addresses an ongoing problem: LGBT exclusion of each other, and what we can do to change it.

Mr. Orr shows that I'm not the only one addressing this topic~~it's an idea whose time has come.

David Alex Nahmod
SF CA
July 2009

Truth Wins Out: Courageous, Caring, Unafraid of the Truth

Wayne Besen, founder of the gay activist/watchdog group Truth wins Out, has courage and guts.
So does Michael Airhart, news director for TWO's widely read website.

The two of them are among the few in the LGBT community who walk the walk and talk the talk.
They listen, they care, they report the truth, and they don't give LGBTs who work against the community's interests a free pass.

They do it with class and dignity, and have never once resorted to fighting or name calling, as so many LGBT activists do.
If we had more activists like Wayne & Michael, we might actually stand a chance of achieving full equality in this lifetime.
I'm learning not to repeat my past mistakes from them.

And so, I proudly present this op-ed piece that I wrote for the Truth Wins Out
site:
http://www.truthwinsout.org/blog/my-post-pride-dream-memories-observations-and-hopes-for-a-fragmented-community/

I wrote it after 35 years of constantly being subjected to abusive behavior from bitchy queens and angry dykes who equate "gay rights" with treating other LGBTs badly.
This culminated in my recent conflict with anti-gay hatemongers Kathryn Rock & Stephen Polich, who resorted to mail tampering, fraud and perjury so as to cause trouble between my former partner & me, and to isolate him from the gay community.
I cannot even begin to describe how it made me feel to have gay activists and gay rights groups tell me to "get over it'. Even worse,
several LGBT journalists intentionally misreported my story, and supressed my documentation.
One of those journalists actually taunted me about having done this.

Enough is enough.
I want a real community, where people listen, care, and support each other, as Michael and Wayne do at Truth Wins Out.

In the course of writing the op-ed, I found out that I'm far from the only one who feels this way. As you'll see when you read it, others are speaking up as well.

I hope that in breaking the ice and pointing out that what we're doing only serves to hurt our cause, that I'll inspire even more people to speak up.

Every time we treat each other poorly, every time we turn our backs on each other, we undermine our struggle for equality and give the religious right exactly what it wants.

David Alex Nahmod
SF CA
July 2009