This coming Sunday is Mother's Day.
After what happened this past Sunday~~one of my former partner's housemates impersonating him to cause more trouble between us (see my last post), I find myself recalling two wonderful women from Beecher's past.
Two women who loved him, who loved all people, and who would never have been associated with the shameful behavior of these past few years.
I don't envy the life of Dolores Goodwin (1930-2006).
She was Beecher's mother, and she had a hard life of poverty.
About a week after I first met Beecher in 1999, I received hate mail from "friends"
of Beecher's, people I don't even know.
When I first went to his Connecticut home town, I heard a lot of "fag" jokes~~including from several of Beecher's relatives.
His brother refused to see or speak to him because he's gay.
His sister & her husband told me that they didn't like his being gay~~and that they weren't "comfortable" seeing us together at their 2002 wedding~~because we were a gay couple.
Dolores Goodwin, Bless her heart, would have none of that. She welcomed me~~and us~~into her tiny shack of a home. One of the most pleasent Thanksgiving dinners I ever had was in 1999, about 3 months after I had first met Beecher. I'm a vegetarian, but I gladly made an exception
and greedily ate the wonderful turkey Dolores had cooked for us.
She had it rough, Dolores did. She never travelled. Lichtfield County CT was her whole world!
But she judged no one. She had a love for everyone that was indeed rare in this world.
And that included a total and complete acceptance for people who are gay.
One of Dolores' fondest personal memories was from 1940, when, as a 10 year old, she saw The Wizard of Oz at a theatre in Hartford, the area's biggest city. Judy Garland appeared in person at the theatre & Dolores was there!
Dolores was quite a cultured lady~~she loved opera, but alas, never got to attend a live performance. In 2000, Beecher bought her a portable CD player. I got her CDs
of Andrea Bocelli & Sarah Brightman, her favorite singers.
I recall with great warmth, sitting at her table with her & Beecher, drinking tea while Brightman serenaded us. Dolores nodded in pleasure at Brightman's voice.
In a small way, we had made her happy.
Across town lived Beecher's Aunt Nancy Wells (1930-2001). When I first met Beecher he was living in Nancy's home. In a town where homophobia and anti-Semetism were an accepted part of the local culture, the Wells house was
a welcome bastion of tolerance. Like Dolores, Nancy accepted me~~and accepted us. I always felt comfortable in Nancy's house, where I was literally treated like one of the family. Nancy had an out lesbian daughter who she loved no differently than her other children~~the entire family was taught tolerance through Nancy.
I still talk to Nancy's grandaughter, who openly supports marriage equality, women's rights, civil rights~~everything any decent person would support.
There's no question that this came from Nancy & the environment of tolerance that pervaded that house.
Nancy loved ducks~~I've no idea why, but there were duck figurines and duck art all over the house! Here in San Francisco, a shop on trendy Valencia Street has several hand carved, hand painted ducks in their window. To this day, every time I pass that shop, I think of Nancy & smile.
Every time I hear any mention of opera or Sarah Brightman, I think of Dolores and smile.
I wish I had gotten to know Dolores and Nancy better than I did.
I'm so glad I got to spend a little time with those two remarkable women, who never let life's hardships get them down or get in the way of their compassion
for others.
I don't think I'll ever forget either of them.
So, as Mother's Day 2009 approaches, I tip my hat to Dolores Goodwin, and to Nancy Wells.
I wish Beecher had more people in his life like them.
David Alex Nahmod
SF CA
May 2009
Posts
